Dishonour Read online

  ‘What you been doing?’

  ‘Owt and nowt. Sorry I didn’t bring your chocolate buttons.’

  ‘That’s okay, I don’t really feel like them now.’

  ‘What’s up? Your stomach still hurting?’

  Laila nodded. ‘Yeah, feels worse today.’

  ‘I told you, you need to get it seen to. Could be a bit of Delhi belly.’

  ‘I was in Pakistan, not India.’

  ‘No, soft lass. I mean you might be getting the runs or something. Maybe it’s something you ate.’

  ‘I don’t think so.’

  ‘How do you know?’

  ‘Cos I’m pregnant.’

  Yvonne’s mouth hung open. She felt in her pocket and got out a packet of cigarettes. She lit one up before she said anything.

  ‘Bloody hell, Laila. I thought it’d be Mary in Mrs Jacobs’s class who got preggers first. She’s always putting it about. Everyone thinks she’s a right slag; I think she’s alright meself.’

  ‘But I’m married.’

  Yvonne shrugged her shoulders, crossing her eyes to watch the smoke come out of her mouth. ‘I suppose.’

  ‘So why didn’t you come yesterday?’

  ‘Had a bit of trouble with me stepdad. He’s a bit too handy with his fists if you know what I mean. Anyway, I really came to say goodbye. I’ve had enough.’

  Panic hit Laila. She stammered, trying to get her words out, ‘What … what, do you mean?’

  ‘I’m sick of it. Me Mam just lets it happen. Most of the time she’s too pissed up to care, but even when she’s not, she lets him use me as his punchbag. I suppose she sees it better me than her. If I ever had kids, I wouldn’t let any fucker touch them. Would you?’

  Laila shook her head. ‘So what you going to do Yvonne?’

  ‘I’m off. I’m out of this place.’

  ‘But you can’t just go.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Where will you go? What will you do for money?’

  ‘I’ve been saving up. Got meself just over two thousand pounds.’

  ‘How?’

  ‘Stripping.’ Yvonne watched as she saw the astonishment on Laila’s face. ‘Close your mouth girl, you’ll let the flies in. You shocked?’

  ‘No. Well a bit.’ Laila smiled warmly, not wanting to hurt her friend’s feelings.

  ‘I don’t like it. All those horrible blokes drooling at you like you’re a piece of chicken. There was this one bloke right, who tried to get on the stage. When he was climbing up, he got his foot caught in a pair of knickers left on the floor. He ended up crashing into a table, landed badly and broke his ankle.’ Laila giggled at her friend who giggled along with her.

  ‘I wish you weren’t going, Yvonne. I’ll miss you.’

  ‘Don’t be silly. You’ve got a baby to think of now.’

  Tears came to Laila’s eyes. ‘I’m not being silly, I will miss you. You don’t understand.’

  Yvonne’s voice was warm, taking out some of the harshness of her Northern accent. ‘What don’t I understand?’

  Laila clammed up, afraid she’d spoken out of turn.

  ‘Nothing. It’s fine. You’re right, I’m just being silly.’

  Yvonne glanced at Laila, her face looking serious. ‘Why don’t you come with me?’

  ‘Where?’

  ‘London. Come with me to London, Laila. Nobody will find us there. I’ve got enough money for both of us for the time being. We can get a job and you can pay me back. It’ll be fun. What do you say?’

  Laila saw the eagerness on Yvonne’s face, and for one crazy moment it felt like it’d almost be possible. Then the reality dawned on her again. She answered sadly, ‘Thank you but I can’t.’

  ‘Okay, but the offer’s there. I’m leaving on Thursday. I’m getting the midday train. If you change your mind you can come but I won’t wait for you. I better go now. You won’t breathe a word of this will you?’

  ‘No, I promise. You can trust me.’

  Yvonne smiled. She had the feeling she could.

  ‘I know I can Laila. Goodbye, and if I don’t see you again, good luck.’

  Laila only nodded her head, choking back the tears, unable to say anything. As she watched Yvonne walk up the street, she knew she needed more than luck to get her through.

  22

  Laila touched the bed sheets she was lying on, then looked at her hand. She saw it was covered in blood. She ran to the bedroom door and started to bang on it.

  ‘Tariq! Tariq! I’m bleeding.’ There was nothing but silence. Laila banged again and eventually she heard the sound of footsteps running up the stairs. The door was unlocked.

  ‘Tariq, I’m bleeding.’

  ‘When did it start?’

  ‘I think when I fell down the stairs; I don’t know. But it’s got so much worse. Please Tariq, you have to do something. Please.’

  Tariq looked panic-stricken. ‘What do you want me to do?’

  ‘Take me to the hospital, Tariq.’

  ‘Baz will be home soon.’

  ‘I know, and when he does I’ll have no chance of getting help. Please Tariq. I’m begging you. Help me.’

  Laila dropped to her knees. Desperate and in pain. Tariq bent down to pick her up. He couldn’t bear to look in her eyes. ‘Please Laila, get up. Don’t beg me.’ He felt his sister grab his hand. The same sister who used to always play with him. The same one he’d pulled the pigtails of when she was little, and the same sister he’d promised his father he’d look after. It took him only a moment to say it, but Tariq had a feeling he might regret it for longer than that.

  ‘I’ll help you Laila, but hurry, we have to try to get back before Baz or uncle.’

  The hospital sister smiled sadly at Laila. ‘I’m sorry sweetheart, but I’m afraid you’ve lost the baby. Is there anyone I can call? Your boyfriend … your parents?’

  Laila’s voice was filled with shock. ‘No … no, but are you sure? Are you sure I’ve lost it?’

  ‘I’m certain. You’ll be able to go home soon but you need to take it easy. You’ll be in some discomfort so we’ll give some painkillers, but the pain shouldn’t be worse than period pain. If it is you need to come back to the hospital.’

  ‘How did it happen?’

  ‘We can never be entirely sure, but these things sadly do happen, especially at the early stage of pregnancy you were. Sometimes it’s just nature’s way.’

  ‘Do you think a fall could do it?’

  The nurse nodded. ‘Is that how you got the bruises?’

  Absent-mindedly, Laila touched her face. ‘Yes … yes. I fell down the stairs.’

  ‘Well it’s entirely possible. Like I say, it could be any number of things, but if you had a nasty fall it could easily happen. You can pop your clothes on now or you can wait till after the doctor comes round. I’ll send someone in with a cup of tea. Hey, I know it’s hard, but you’re young. There’ll be plenty more chances to try again.’

  Laila walked slowly to the hospital toilets. She wasn’t quite sure how she was supposed to feel. She needed to go and find Tariq and tell him. She’d left him waiting for her in the casualty department. That had been nearly two hours ago.

  ‘Well?’ Tariq looked at his sister with concern. She shook her head.

  ‘I don’t know what to say Laila.’ He took hold of his sister’s hand as they walked in silence down the corridor towards the exit. The doors opened, bringing in a cool breeze. Laila wrapped her coat round her, feeling the chill of the evening air. Tariq turned to Laila, dropping her hand.

  ‘Go, Laila.’

  Laila studied her brother’s face, to see if she was understanding correctly what he was trying to say to her. Tariq stepped forward and kissed her head. ‘Go.’ Laila turned and as she did he grabbed her hand again, speaking in a whisper. ‘I love you.’

  A moment later, Laila ran out of the door.

  ‘Gone? She can’t have gone. Why the hell did you take her to the hospital without my permission?’
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br />   ‘She was bleeding, what did you expect me to do?’

  Baz raised his voice and slammed Tariq against the wall, watched by Mahmood. ‘I expected you to do nothing. I warned you, Tariq.’

  ‘Yeah you did. And I’m ashamed to say I listened to you. If you want to report me for what happened to Ray-Ray, fine, but it won’t bring her back. She needed help and I wasn’t going to leave her like that.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Because she’s my sister.’

  ‘No, Tariq – she’s my wife first and your sister second. How am I going to explain to people she’s run off? Don’t you understand the shame that brings? Your sister was lucky anyone wanted to marry her. I did her a favour and she repays me like this.’

  ‘It’s got nothing to do with other people.’

  Baz shouted; tiny drops of saliva splattering out of his mouth. ‘It’s got everything to do with them! What sort of man will they think I am? A man who can’t keep his wife. I’ll lose all the respect I’ve worked for. Do you know how much shit I’ve had to put up with to get where I am? Paki Gupta. PC Paki. Detective Curry Gupta. Do you know how much they’ll laugh at me down the station now? Laugh at me back home? Oh there goes Baz Gupta; thought he was so much better than all of us but he can’t even keep a wife. You’ve humiliated me.’

  ‘I did what was best.’

  Baz pushed his face, centimetres from Tariq’s. ‘If we don’t find her, I’m holding you responsible.’

  ‘She’s gone Baz. You won’t find her. Laila doesn’t want to be here and I don’t blame her.’ Tariq stopped as his voice cracked. Pulling himself together, he hardened his tone. ‘Uncle forced her to get married. We forced her.’

  Mahmood went to say something but Baz put his hand up to stop him.

  ‘It was her duty, her culture. She has brought dishonour to me.’

  ‘No Baz, what we put her through had nothing to do with duty, culture or honour. I think we both know that. Why don’t you leave her alone now? Let her go.’

  ‘Never. But you’d like it if I did, wouldn’t you Tariq?’

  Tariq stared at Baz. He pushed him away. ‘Yeah, I would. Because she deserves so much better than you.’

  Baz grabbed hold of Tariq, trying to put him in a head lock, but they were both matched in height and strength so he struggled to get a firm grip. Tariq quickly moved to the side, knocking over the ornaments, then lost his balance slightly, giving Baz the slight advantage for a moment. Tariq grappled with Baz, yanking his top to try to pull him down. He managed to twist Baz round who fell awkwardly, sprawling across the glass table.

  ‘Enough! Stop! Stop!’ Mahmood shouted loudly, making Tariq turn to his uncle. Baz saw his opportunity and slammed Tariq with his fist. Mahmood walked across to Tariq, bending down to where he was sitting, holding his face.

  ‘You have brought shame and dishonour to my family Tariq. Both of my brother’s children are unworthy to carry the name of Khan. We need to find her and bring her back.’

  ‘You won’t be able to find her.’

  Baz stood up by Mahmood’s side. ‘Oh but we will. And Tariq, when I find your sister, which I will, I’ll kill her.’

  Laila huddled up under the tree in the graveyard. The rain was pouring down. She was shivering, sending spasms through her body as she sat drenched through to her skin. The raindrops dripped down her neck and she’d long since stopped trying to wipe her face dry from the rain and tears.

  Darkness had come early and the dark grey storm clouds were still visible in the black sky. The shapes of the gravestones seemed eerie, making Laila’s imagination run away with her.

  She moved slightly, trying to find comfort on the wet ground. What had she thought she was going to do? Where did she think she could go? The questions ran through her mind, shooting at her like poison arrows.

  Tightening her arms round her knees she put her head down, tired of her tears, tired of her pain. She was scared and she didn’t know what to do to make the fear go away. She didn’t know how to bring back the feeling of safety and care she’d once had in the arms of her father.

  She had nothing. There was no one to turn to. Tariq had helped but there was nothing more he could do. She shuddered. Even the thought of her brother made her afraid; she was scared for him. Terrified he’d be hurt for helping her and she would be responsible for that, just like she’d been responsible for Ray-Ray. She took a sharp breath as she thought about him and wondered, not for the first time, if he hated her now.

  She couldn’t even go back home, the repercussions would be unimaginable. They’d make her stay with Baz or worse still, send her to her mother-in-law’s back in Pakistan. And she just couldn’t. She just couldn’t go back.

  She’d always thought this happened to other people. She’d known girls in the community who’d been sent to Pakistan and hadn’t come back. Girls who’d been forced into unhappy marriages. But it was never spoken about, never discussed. And now she’d become one of those girls. She’d had such hope, such dreams. She’d been ready to take on the world. Her father had told her she could have it all, but most importantly, he’d told her she could have her life. Now though her life wasn’t hers and she knew it would never be. And if she didn’t have that, what did she have?

  Going into her pocket, Laila pulled out the bottle of painkillers the hospital had given her. She thought about her father, her mother, her brother and Ray-Ray. She thought about how it once was and how it should’ve been.

  Undoing the top of the container, Laila poured the tablets into her mouth before curling up under the tree, hoping it’d soon be over.

  ‘No sign of her.’ Baz snarled as he got back into the car. Tariq was driving and they’d been searching the streets of Bradford for a few hours. Baz and Mahmood had taken it in turns to get out and speak to all the people they could think of. Uncles, Aunties, friends, religious leaders had all been spoken to, with nobody having seen or heard from Laila.

  Baz smashed his fist on the dashboard. He turned angrily to Tariq as he drove past the fire station.

  ‘This is because of you, Tariq. The whole community will now think I can’t keep a wife. How will people be able to respect me? Do you know how that feels?’

  ‘The shame is on my hands as well. How will I be able to walk down the street with the weight of dishonour on my shoulders?’ Mahmood added dramatically from the back seat.

  Tariq carried on driving, praying they didn’t see Laila.

  ‘Pull up here.’ Baz shouted and pointed at a small terraced house.

  ‘Here?’

  ‘Yes, I want to go and speak to Laila’s little friend.’

  ‘It’s nearly three a.m. You can’t, it’s too late.’

  ‘Just watch me.’

  Tariq, Mahmood and Baz stood in Yvonne’s kitchen with Baz questioning a sleepy-looking Yvonne.

  ‘If I find you aren’t telling me the truth …’

  ‘I am. I haven’t seen her since you told me not to.’

  ‘I’m warning you.’

  Yvonne smirked. ‘Listen, I can’t help it if you can’t keep your wife, pal.’

  Baz dived across the table to grab Yvonne but she jumped out of the way, used to being on high alert from years of living with her stepfather.

  Tariq pulled at Baz, wanting to get out of the place as soon as possible. ‘We better go. She hasn’t seen her. It’s no good.’

  Baz looked at Yvonne with disgust. He turned to go but as he did he picked up the kitchen table, flipping it over and sending the piled up mess on to the floor, before storming out.

  ‘Yvonne?’ Tariq spoke with quiet urgency as he watched Baz and Mahmood march out along the path. ‘If you hear from …’

  Yvonne snapped angrily. ‘I told your mate, I haven’t seen her, okay?’

  ‘Please, I’m not trying to cause trouble. I’m her brother. If you hear from her, call me. Just let me know she’s all right. I don’t even want to know where she is. I just need to know she’s safe. Here.’ Tariq sc
ribbled down his number on a piece of paper and stuck it in Yvonne’s hand, rushing off out to the car as Baz started calling him.

  23

  ‘If anyone wants me I’m going to the hospital, but then I’m going to do some shopping so I’ll get some lunch whilst I’m out.’ Tasha Thompson spoke to the receptionist, making sure she made them part of her alibi if of course she needed one later on. ‘Oh, and by the way, I don’t want you taking any messages from Arnold either.’

  ‘Certainly, Mrs Thompson. Now, is there anything else I can help you with today?’ Tasha shook her head; the reply from the hotel receptionist was almost robotic. Whether she’d actually do what she’d asked her was another matter; she seemed more interested in taking a sneaky peek at the magazine next to her. Without answering, Tasha walked towards the hotel car park. The receptionist was the least of her worries. Today was the day Freddie was coming out.

  Johno had given her firm instructions on what she had to do. He’d told her to make sure she kept to the same routine for today, tomorrow and the next few weeks. The police would be sniffing around and she would be one of the first people they came to. It was essential the hospital staff saw her at the same time as they did every morning, as well as the hotel staff, and especially the car park valets.

  After seeing Ray-Ray, she would come back to the hotel as she normally did, make sure her presence was known, then head out again on foot to pick up the car they’d organised for her to drive. It was parked in a street on the other side of Bradford. From there she’d go and meet Freddie on the outskirts of Ilkley. Sixteen miles outside the city centre, in the heart of the country.

  Tasha didn’t actually know the exact whereabouts of where she was going to drive Freddie after she’d picked him up; Johno had told her it was best she knew as little information as possible. The only thing she did know was that he was planning on a helicopter taking him out of the country later tonight.

  Thinking about the plans made her feel queasy. If they were caught, it wouldn’t just be Freddie serving time; it’d be her as well. She really didn’t want to think about it any more, otherwise she might find herself wanting to do a disappearing act. It was still early and she didn’t need to go and pick up Freddie until later. Already Tasha Thompson knew it was going to be a very long day indeed.